Confused and hurt by a message

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Permalink Reply by Puja Anand on May 20, 2008 at 7:05am

Thanks Amit. I guess deep down I know I have to forgive and move on, but its just been so hard.

Permalink Reply by Bob Mann on May 20, 2008 at 5:11am

Amit is right on with his comment. Leaders live within the ten worlds too, and are allowed/prone to make mistakes. You can learn alot from both good and bad leadership. The most important thing is to follow the Law, not people. The Law is supreme, people are not. The Law will never change, people will. And that change will be for the better. Here is something from Pres Ikeda...

February 9, 2008

--TO MY FRIENDS--
Let's praise our fellow members,
"showing [them] the same respect you
would a Buddha."(*)
Overbearing leaders are disqualified.
The key to fostering the harmonious unity of
many in body, one in mind is a heart of
appreciation and respect for others.

(*)"The Fourteen Slanders," WND p. 757
(phrase from Chapter 28 of the Lotus Sutra: “You should rise and greet
him from afar, showing him the same respect you would a Buddha.")

Above is an unofficial translation of "To My Friends" that is based on President Ikeda's guidance, published in the Seikyo Shimbun.

....You will be the leader someday. You are learning valuable lessons as well.... I trust you have provided the much needed "details" ;-) Good for you.... You have always done good things for the membership. Keep it up. Don't let people affect your practice or attitude.... Best to you. Gather your strength and recover quickly from your surgery. That will show benefit for sure....

Permalink Reply by Puja Anand on May 20, 2008 at 7:14am

Thanks Bob for such a detailed (pun unintended) response. Yes I sent my details finally to another leader.

About leaders making such mistakes, I don't completely agree with you. A leader represents the organization. S/he is selected by the organization after careful scrutiny (more in some countries than in others). They are the voice of Soka. They need to be more responsible. If her message to me could have such a grave reaction in me, I can only imagine what effect it would have had on a new member.

Thanks to years of practice (and advice from good people like yourself and Amit), I will get back when I am able to. But this leader needs to be educated and corrected and not made excuses for. There is a lot at stake.

Permalink Reply by Dan (site assistant) on May 20, 2008 at 7:34pm

Dear Puja,

You can also look at it this way. Leaders are actually servants to the members. No, not in that sense, but they serve the members in that they were appointed as leaders by the SGI or ultimately by Pres. Ikeda to protect, serve, and as much as possible help in fostering faith, guide and help in the activities of general members. Think of it as a reverse pyramid. Who really shoulders the SGI and its many myriad leaders & members from below is Pres. Ikeda. Those leaders whom he supports in turn support those 'above' them and ultimately it us general members who are above everyone. Leaders may take the lead in many activities of the SGI, but not necessarily, because who really is in the front lines of the organization are the members. Leaders don't represent the SGI or Pres. Ikeda but ultimately they represent us, the general members.

If I let every stony remark, rude word, or outrageous behavior of certain leaders in my past affect my faith and my participation in activities, which they have I can admit, I would have left the SGI a long time ago. But as Pres. Ikeda has often remarked, the zadankai or district discussion meetings are the heart of our organization. WE need everyone who can participate in these district activities bring their life, their experiences, their hopes, their dreams, their tragedies, their fears, their anger, despair, their accomplishments, and their true selves -- so that we can all chant for each other.

Even if I don't like what that particular leader across the room said to me or like his unfair remarks about me or someone else. We are each a mirror of each other. Sometimes we have to use the Gohonzon to reflect on and pierce through what or why I received that hurtful remark or criticism -- fair or unfair. Like a family, we can be pretty good at pointing out each other's weaknesses at the cost of hurting each other sometimes and perhaps carelessly. Often a person who lashed out in anger (a sign of an egotistic & selfish nature) at what I said or didn't do often has their own burning issues that has nothing to do with me, but merely because I was an available target, or I caught them at a bad time.

Growing up with 4 brothers older than me, you get used to the myriad dances of abuse, teasing, insults, and sibling rivalries. I couldn't sometimes stand it putting up with my brothers's authoritarian and bullying behavior with me, you can pretty well understand I won't be very forgiving with anyone outside of my family who would lash out at me like that.

But since we do practice in a Buddhist organization. We're not children anymore -- ok so I still like comic books speaking for myself.... But look at it as an opportunity to help that leader become a better leader. You don't have to respond in kind but you squarely confronting the issue with that member/leader is wonderfully courageous--- because he represents YOU or I, or your members. Because the SGI is us, the members. Ultimately the leaders answer to us. Congratulations! by the way. This is a splendid opportunity for you to make the SGI better by what you experienced. We'll be chanting for your success!

best,

Dan
..oh, hey, Linda Fogh Jorgensen actually said quite a lot of what I in my long-winded way attempted to say. Listen to the Woman's Division. That's also helped me a long way in my many interactions with the members.

Permalink Reply by Linda on May 20, 2008 at 7:13am

I totally agree with Amit and Bob Mann. And I do understand your feelings - I share your experience and learned at least two important things in the process. First: We can learn from another member's bad behaviour and conclude that:"I'll never act like this as I now know how it feels to be met with rudeness and caliseness." Secondly I learned to chant for this other person's happiness and enlightenment. And third I got the wonderful opportunity to look at one of my tendensies that was focusing on my opponent (people who didn't like or appreciate me) instead of focusing on the many people (the majority) who actually liked me and missed out when I didn't show up on meetings because of hurt feelings and - dare I say - resentment. The fundamental darkness that had governed my life became very apparent because someone did me the huge favour to have a rude and unfair attitude towards me. And at any rate - a person who behaves like your district leader is a person in pain - she is probably in a low state of life. and you might be her greatest teacher by overcoming her attack.
Thank you for bringing this important topic out in the open - I think many of us have experienced what you're going through, but most people keep quiet about it. One thing is that people, who are not practising this buddhism, can hurt you - but it feels ten times worse when it's a fellow member. But the thing is: we're all in this "boot camp" for kosen-rufu, and we shall train each other which is one of the great benefits of practising together. It'll speed up our human revolution.

Permalink Reply by Puja Anand on May 21, 2008 at 4:14am

Thanks Linda for a very simple and meaningful response.

Permalink Reply by Patrick on May 21, 2008 at 2:40pm

Puja,
When I have this expreience I go to a more senior leader to correct the leader, and I move forward with my practice. Share the mesage with a more senior leader so they can correct your leader. That is not your job. Your job is to have a joyful practice.

It is like President Ikeda says, When we stop moving forward, life passes us by because life is constantly moving.

Do not stop moving forward as it is difficult to start moving again. Let the organization train the leader and you concern yourself with your own practice, and practice with Joy.

I hope you continue with your meetings as you feel comfortable after your surgery and do not let any leader stop you.

Patrick

Permalink Reply by Niloy Biswas on May 21, 2008 at 11:59pm

Hi,
When you see such messages and you feel hurt. Best guide would be to have a one to one diaglogue with this person. Invite him/her to your place.

If its not possible to face thsi person then chant for his/her happiness. I am sure you will get an answer to this situation.

Take care,
Niloy (Australia)